secret bloggy

i have a cooler blog than this. and i would love for people to read it.. but i needa know who and i needa know that you won't judge me! so talk to me through here or bebo or msn if you wanna read it.. and i will decide! muhahaha. :)

this needs to be on bebo, i need it to cause more trouble lol

(11:26 p.m.) ---Nic--- ~Awake:
Im not deseperate i was takn the piss and pasting it all to sheldon and dave ..l.. u ugly bitch
(11:44 p.m.) porj:
david and sheldon always talk about hw much of a ugly bitch u r

i just put the bits that say there names that i can find. theres alot more (:

a very sad story (WARNING: may course you to cry)

my xbox got RED RING OF DEATH.
waah :'(

LOLOLOL.

you play tibia!
i got nothing against the game, but you lie about playing it.
ahaha you geeky loser, who actually is very disliked and very dumb.
bahaha ZONE. LMAO!
go play in trafic (:

cold dark and rainy

it was a horrible day, like one where it's raining all day and you just wanna stay all warm and cosy in bed. it was the holidays and being me i really would have prefered not to get up before midday but no not today. i set my alarm for about 9. that sucked, but somehow the thought of seeing you kinda made me want to do it. so when i woke up i realised the weather was not on my side. so i sent you a text 'dude it's raining'. this was because i had to walk to meet you, i thought you may have said oh ill meet you another time, but no, you dont even text me back. so it gets to about 11, and im thinking well atleast he doesnt still want me to come all the way into upper hutt in the rain. but then all of a sudden my phone goes off 'where are you xD'. he thinks by using a smiley face that everything is ok, when really it wasnt, it hasnt been since the moment we met. so i said back to him, 'umm it's raining but i can still come'. so i went on my way, no rain coat or anything as i had left it at mums. again, he didnt bother to text me to say thanks for still coming, ofcourse he didnt, but as i approach the shops i get a text... 'could you please get us 2 red bulls'. by this stage i was soaked, i was dissapointed as it was, and i was angry. moving mountains was playing on my ipod, and it was making me even more frustrated, because with you guys it was like moving mountains, it was just impossible. anyway, i went into BP and got your stupid red bulls. i was so tempted to 'drop' the cans just so they would fizz in your face when you opened. but nope i couldnt. i walked towards the gym, wiped away the tears in my eyes.. and stood outside for about 5 minutes waiting for you. i was so upset and angry, i handed over the ***** expecting that maybe youd make a little conversation with me after all i had just done for you. but you just stood leaning against the wall with that stupid smirk on your face, the smirk you think will make everything ok. we stood there for about 2 minutes, then i was hinting around leaving.. expecting atleast a thank you.. you didnt even say thanks you know. infact you were never thankful, ever, from the first day i met you, you were so wrapped up in yourself. but to this day, it's like you posess something i need, and i keep coming back to you and i do anything and everything for you. what's wrong with me?

secret..

i actually don't like to use my camera around my group of friends anymore. people hate me because of it.

twilight quote that i like!

Edward Cullen: I only said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be.
Isabella Swan: What does that mean?
Edward Cullen: It means if you're smart... you'll stay away from me.
Isabella Swan: Okay, let's say for argument's sake that I'm not smart.

seriously?

I can't believe you want to say goodbye to me?!
We've come too far to just let it end like this

blah

so basically every single blog about you so far is a lie.
im so screwed. everything i do i'm always wondering what you are doing and if you're ok. when you are all talkative with a good mate of mine, and are all cold with me, it fucken hurts so bad. you make me so angry, it's like you decide when you want to be mates with me and i just have to be there when you're ready, and leave you be when you're not. despite how angry you make me, i need you. i need to feel your hands all over me again. i need to feel your kind words tickle my ear again. so truth is, ill put on this big giant act that is all a lie, just so you think i dont actually care that much, when really you're all i can think about most of the time. so yep i'll smile and be happy cos hell yeah it's 7th form, best year of my life hopefully, but behind it all im actually broken. you broke me. you lead me to believe that there was a chance for us, then the next day you see me, you tear me down by ignoring me, and by just watching me fall.

and to be honest, even this blog isn't exactly how i feel right now.

:)

it's good to get things off your chest like:
you have given two boys over $700 between them
you are embarassed of the guy you used to like
you hate yourself for being a bitch to your best friends, and then loosing them
you sometimes stay up till 4 in the morning playing xbox.

LOL

i dont love you like i did yesterday

as i sat there dazed, everything that had just happened was swirling round in my mind. everything you had said to me, i couldnt help but smile at the thought of it. when you held me round the waist, it was more than just you just touching me, it was comfortable, it was right. when we kissed, it wasnt just 'oh yeah we hooked up' it was more than that. it actually had meaning.

you are one of the kindest people i know. yet you let your mates change that. it's like to fit in with them you have to turn into this loud, rude, boisterous, show off. that's not you and you know it. the sad thing is you are so hypocritcal. you are the one who used to say to me, i never care what others think and that i should stop worrying about what they think aswell, and i completely admired you for that. but i've lost all respect for you now. it was like everything you said that made you completely unique was a line.

so you're not ready yet. sweety, you're never going to be ready. your friends hate me. and they are never gunna get past that. i apologise that they laugh and make fun of you because of what happened, but i shouldn't have to apologise, because i know im so much better than that. i liked you. but to your friends that was a crime, whether they knew me from my past or just met me. so babe, you had me. but unfortunatley you lost me too.

happy because

i forgot you forever. and i feel so free.
you're so loud and stupid around your friends. and it makes me embarassed for you. so im officially going off you.
7th form, and the class of 09' are the best ever.
tuckshop crew will soon be re-united!
this year is just going to be awesome.